june 1

As silly as it sounds, I kind of thought there might be something impactful about passing a decade. Maybe the pain would lessen or I would be granted greater understanding or something. An ignorant hope, I know. I know that time will come, but just making it to double digits will not usher that in.

For myself, grieving as an adult is harder than it was in my teen years. The many emotions I stifled seem to often be overflowing now. I am beginning to see the impact of not having a father for some very formative years and how that has impacted other relationships. Adult grieving has been a time of listening to my siblings' trauma and processing through my own. It has been isolating as I cannot grieve alongside my mom and siblings. I feel alone as I struggle to allow people into this very personal thing. In many ways it feels invalidating because you would think after 11 years, June 1 would have lost some significance.

I know one day my heart will not ache in the way that it does now. One day all will be restored. I have to be okay that today is not that day.

Thank you for reading this. My heart aches today in many ways and I thank you for being willing to read a bit of it.

I urge you to tell someone you love them, listen to difficult stories, and not shy away from realities that make you uncomfortable.

Dad, I miss you and I love you.

Thoughts About COVID-19

The weight of the current situation on the world is evident and I think we are all close to the tipping point of going a little crazy. I have been seeing patience worn thin. Businesses have to re-evaluate how they operate and lay-offs have been happening. (3.3 million people applied for unemployment!) Others still are simply being insensitive to the severity of the situation, like intentionally coughing on produce. Personally, I have been fluctuating between feeling overwhelmed with information, frustrated as a whole, feeling like I’m in a fever dream and this is not even real, and finding immense joy in mandated introverted time. But I keep coming back to the idea that I don’t think humanity can afford to turn on itself right now. And my attitude and responses are part of that. 

I have appreciated the videos and posts by pastors and fellow believers encouraging all of us to keep our heads up, trust God, and take one day at a time. I enjoy seeing church communities go online and how many people are interacting. It is refreshing to see communities coming together to help the most vulnerable. There is good happening. But if I am feeling quite honest, I am feeling exhausted. Within me there is a tearing of emotions, pulling one side to fully disassociate and withdraw and the other to be adamant that everyone understands the severity of the situation. Somewhere in the middle I am reaching out to those I love, I have a good sense of humor, and making good use of the time I have. I am encouraged by some things I read and plunged into anxiety with others. I believe that God is in control and I trust that this too shall pass. I believe “that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” (Romans 8:18) However, I also have a sense that although we will come out of this on the other side, many of us will have suffered loss and we will not be the same.

Since I started at Ecola, I have tried to give something up for Lent. Controversy about this fast aside, it is a conscious effort on my part to turn my eyes toward the cross. In giving something up that consumes a lot of my time or my thoughts, the idea is that I would then focus my eyes where they should be anyway. This year I decided prayerfully to only consume Christian music during these weeks. Which has been great! And hard. But I am not here to talk about my Lent experience. Because of this time and through a wonderful recommendation, I found a powerful song. The Good King by Ghost Ship is an album that has encouraged me and prompted me to worship in moments where I feel like I can't. I love that they take portions of scripture and incorporate that into their music.

There is a meme going around saying “remember Job,” which has made me laugh. It is true, probably none of us have experienced loss and sorrow like Job and whenever we are feeling like having a pity party we can look at Job and count our blessings. Jokes aside though, it is a book full of grief and loss and truth in the midst of that. One of the songs that has stuck with me is taken from that final conversation between Job and God.

I said God I do not understand this world

Everything is dying and broken

Why do I see nothing but suffering

God I'm asking could this be Your plan

Sin has taken hold of this whole land

Will You not say anything else to me?

He said where were you the day that I measured

Sunk the banks and stretched the line over

All the earth and carved out its cornerstone?

Where were you the day that I spoke and

Told the sun to split the night open

Caused the morning dark with its light to show

Who shut in the ocean with stone doors

Marked the reach of tides on those new shores

Hung the day the waves rose and first broke forth

Have you seen the springs of that great sea

Walked the caverns carved in the black deep

Through the gates of darkness there on its floor

Have you seen the armoury I hold

Snow and hail are stacked up in silos

For the times of trouble and war and strife

Can you raise your voice to the storm cloud

Would the thunder answer and ring out

Does the lightning ask you where it should strike

Who has cleft the channels for torrents

Rain to sprout the desert with forest

In the wilderness that my hand has built

Can you hunt the prey for your lions

Can you use the Orion

Is this whole world bending beneath your will?

I spoke of things I did not understand

Things too wonderful for me

Although I had no right to ask

My God knelt and answered me

- Where Were You, Ghost Ship, Job 38-39

“Then Job answered the Lord and said: ‘Behold, I am of small account; what shall I answer you? I lay my hand on my mouth. I have spoken once, and I will not answer; twice, but I will proceed no further.’” (Job 40:3-5)

I have no idea what is happening in this world and I have no idea how things will turn out. I cannot predict the loss that will happen nor the good that is to come. But I can trust that the God who created this world, who has all power at his fingertips, is still in control of this world. And because of that I can act with caution but not anxiety. I can self-distance but not be disassociated. I can feel my range of emotions and still be compassionate. My heart is heavy but it is not my burden to bear alone.

Stay strong, my friends.

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives to I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

Psalm 16:8 “I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
John 16:33 “In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

stitched

I, myself, am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

- Augusten Burroughs

I remember beginning to journal about this quote and in my (good) intention to write more, I wanted to find it and complete my thoughts. Oddly enough, the journal entry is dated December 1st, 2018. Evidently this feeling is an annual one. In order to compare who I was and who I am, I will differentiate the times by different colors. 2019 in black, 2018 in purple. To my color-blind friends, I apologize.

I first heard this quote in high school, and while I understand and acknowledge the faux deepness of this quote, few things sum me up better. Every single day, in almost every way, this describes me. I have so many good intentions. Whether it be my relationships, my self-disciplines, my sleep patterns, my relationship with the Lord, you name it. There is no area in my life where I actually feel like I am doing it well. Where I feel like I am doing enough. Reflection upon this rarely motivates me toward progress, but rather a slum of self-pity & self-hatred. 

Deeply rooted in my self pity is an infatuation with myself. I think about me all the time. In his poem, “The Ruin Falls,” C. S. Lewis states, “I never had a selfless thought since I was born,” and man, if that is not me, I do not know what is. I think obsessively about what I have said, about how I am perceived, and about how productive I am. Though I am able to put on a good front, my soul is weary with the battle. That weariness expresses itself in a broken way- in isolation or lashing out or cruelty. I do not know how to ward off this weariness since it is my own mind, aside from being in the Word and praying. These are our greatest weapons as Christians, please do not misunderstand. It is not the tactics I have an issue with, it is myself. I am the one who is two-minded. I am the one who is made up of flaws and attempting to cover it up in good intentions. 

Although this quote still rings true and I am still overwhelmingly self-consumed, I am happy to say that currently I am not in a place of feeling so negatively about myself. Not only has there been significant progress in having good intentions and actually following through, but there has been progress in my mental health. It has definitely been a battle this past year and I am still often weary of the battle of being stuck in my own head. I continue to be upset that I am so self-absorbed. I still battle self-hatred. But my value, thankfully, is not found in my self-image. It is found in the One whose image I am created in. And though there are ups and downs in that, I am happy to say that I am in a better place mentally than I was when I originally wrote this.

This quote draws me back to the Garden of Eden and the leaves put together to cover their nakedness. Genesis 3:7 says, “Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.” This is who we are after the fall. We are guilty people covering up our sin with a few sloppily stitched together fig leaves. The terminology of “stitched” conjures up a couple of images. The first is an image of it not being whole. It is the joining of at least two good intentions or the mending of a broken one in an effort to cover the darkness within. The idea that everyone is broken-hearted in some way has been on my mind for a while. It is so common sense, yet in my self-obsession, I often forget that everyone is hurting because of brokenness and that brokenness is not quantifiable. Another image of brokenness is our sin. Because of our pride, selfishness, and greed we are broken and our relationship with God and others is broken. And that brokenness, no matter the good intentions, only breaks that which is around it. (The idea that hurt people hurt people.)

The second image this quote conjures is that it has the ability to come undone. Just one simple tug is all it takes for it all to come unstitched, for us to be seen for what we are, which is our flaws. The intentions are just a facade to hide that which is underneath, selfishness, pride, and greed. I have to ask myself, am I using my intentions to say to God, “I was afraid, because I was naked, so I hid myself”? Am I using my intentions to say that to myself?

Not always. Often, my intentions are an overflow of the heart. I care about people because God cares about them and thus I intend to show them that I care. I care about my mental health so I want to take care of myself. I care about my education so I work hard at my school. But sometimes my intentions are legalistically based. They are there to give an idea that I am doing better, or that I am a better person than I really am. Sometimes my intentions are based in a sense of duty or obligation. Sometimes my intentions are there to set me up for failure and to feel badly about myself. And what is hard is that these intentions are always there, but the motivations often ebb and flow. 

So how do I conclude? Tell you to stop allowing your actions or intentions define you? I will start doing that when you do. I do not think I am alone when I say I feel like I could always be doing better. And many people have really good intentions (while others truly do not). But to tell yourself something and believing it are two totally different things. At the end of the day, I am still flawed and stitched together. But praise the Lord that my value is not dependent on my measly threads holding things together. Whether or not I follow through on anything, I am still loved. 

I suppose in conclusion, I want to continue evaluating why I intend to do what I do, whether that is enabling me to live in denial or pushing me toward Christ, and begin giving myself grace when I fail at following through. And I would extend that same challenge to you, especially the last bit. Be gracious to yourself.

As always, thank you for reading. 

Romans 7:18 For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 

Philippians 1:6 And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

A couple of song lyrics that came to mind, but don’t actually fit:

The road outside my house is paved with good intentions

-Hum Hallelujah, Fall Out Boy

If you want to destroy my sweater, hold this thread while I walk away

-Undone - The Sweater Song, Weezer

CoastaCali Reflections

CoastaCali Reflections

Ecola's 2019 Mission Team to Paradise, CA and Costa Rica

February 28-March 13

Wow, it has been quite the month! I know I keep saying that time is flying and everything is crazy busy, but it just continues to be true. As always, I plan to write things and then it takes me too long to get to them. However, I am honored to be able to share with you all some of the things we were able to do on our most recent mission trip. So sit down, grab some coffee, and make yourself comfortable :) 

First of all, thank you all so much for your support of our trip to California and Costa Rica! Your prayers were not said in vain and your finances went to good use. I truly cannot see how this trip could have happened without you all. As many of you know, our mission trip took a turn that was unexpected and challenging when we decided it would not be safe for us to go to Haiti with the political unrest. With 10 days to decide where we were going, the Lord opened up specific doors to go to Paradise, California and Camp Roblealto in Costa Rica. 

Samaritan's Purse - Paradise, California:

Our outfits each day for Samaritan's Purse included:
a Tyvek suit, booties, three layers of gloves, and
plenty of hand and feet warmers.

In California we partnered with Samaritan’s Purse to help with disaster relief from the Camp fire that raged through the area last November. The city of Paradise was demolished from this fire, destroying nearly 14,000 homes. Simply driving through the city is heartbreaking as you see abandoned, destroyed vehicles, foundations with only a chimney standing, and the scorched earth. What Samaritan’s Purse does is meet with individual homeowners at their former home and ask them what they would like us to find. We then work for about two hours sifting through debris in different areas of the former home. After we close our time there, we all sign a Bible to give the homeowners and pray with them. We generally did this three times a day. While we worked, chaplains from the Billy Graham foundation would come and talk to the homeowners. Our intention in serving was to not only help practically but also emotionally by engaging them in positive conversation and spiritually by showing God’s love to them. For many of the homeowners, there was a distinct change in their demeanor from when we arrive to when we left. Then each night we would invite them to have dinner with us.

One day, we were able to help a woman find a lot of the jewelry she had made for a show. When we arrived she thought it would be hopeless that we would find her completed jewelry because a tree had fallen on that part of the home. But members of our team were able to cut parts of the tree away and find the majority of her work. That evening at dinner she gifted each of the girls with a pendant from her collection. It was a simple gesture but honestly, that was so impactful to me. She thought she had lost everything and when it was found, the fact that she would be generous with it is so humbling. Something we were urged to express as we went on was a reminder that the people of Paradise are still grieving. It is easy to get caught up in the next headline and forget about the real people that were impacted by the tragedy. But for thousands of people this is still their daily life. It is hard to reconcile because we got to then go on to beautiful Costa Rica and are now back in beautiful Cannon Beach where our biggest stresses are very minor in comparison to losing your home. Life is full of hard to reconcile things and I am challenged to not disassociate only because it is a difficult thing. 

Sifting through remains of a home

Camp Roblealto - Costa Rica:

A victorious picture after completing a mud obstacle course!

On Monday, March 4th,  we left for the Sacramento airport where we departed for San Jose, Costa Rica. We left 50 degree rain and entered into mid-70’s and sunny. Camp Roblealto is a Christian camp and conference center that partners with Gracia Mission to put on regular weekly camps in the summer and have retreats and Hope Projects come in in the off season. Hope Projects are small 2-3 day camps for at-risk youth in the area. Our team was able to sponsor a Hope Project for 36 - 5th and 6th graders in San Jose, as well as their teachers and counselors. Because counselors were there, our job was more behind the scenes. We decorated, cleaned up, and participated in activities with the kids. Some of the fun activities we participated in included a muddy obstacle course, a blacklight party, and a night activity called “Bringing Down the Stars.” In this activity we put blindfolds on all of the kids and had them hold onto a rope while we guided them in a big circle around the camp grounds. Then we took each one and laid them on the ground. After everyone was situated, one of the counselors shared how much God loves them and wants them to accept Him as their Savior. They said that faith in God does not immediately change your situation, but it is changed because now God is with you. And He will do anything for you, even bring down the stars. While this person shared, we opened up glow sticks and sprinkled them on the kids so when they took their blindfolds off they saw the glowing liquid all over- like fallen stars. The joy and realization on the kid’s faces is something indescribable. Because of the quick change of plans, we did not have much time to focus on learning Spanish, which made the language barrier a bigger challenge than I expected. At the end of the camp though, the kids and teachers shared a kind and heartfelt thank you to us. 

Getting creative to stain the highest parts of the building

After the Hope Project left, we worked together doing work projects around the campgrounds. These included digging holes for electrical work, cleaning up trash, moving sticks and firewood, and staining the outside of a building. During these days we got to work with three main maintenance men, Santiago, Joel, and Chavo. Although we both spoke limited amounts of each other’s language, we enjoyed their company so much. Chavo was always on the lookout for a sloth in the area and when he found one, he climbed the tree to get me a picture. He went above and beyond to allow us to see all that Camp Roblealto had to offer. Joel drove us in a trailer around the camp and let some of us use machetes, a chainsaw, and even drive the tractor pulling the trailer. He found humor in so much and even when we did not understand, we were also laughing. Santiago is such a sweet soul who primarily worked with us on staining the building. He was always seeking to make conversation and share about himself even if it took a long time to get there. Their patience with us was astounding. 

Some Final Thoughts: 

It is hard to sum up in a few words a whole experience. And even if I did, it would still be lacking. But here are some of my reflections from Costa Rica and Paradise: 

• It is so humbling to be served. Everywhere we went, we were treated so well. Danhi, our translator, administrator, and great source of humor in Costa Rica, worked so hard for us to be treated well. If we asked for something, even with the preface of “it is okay if it does not happen” she would do everything in her power to make that happen. Our purpose was to serve them, but honestly we got served even more.
• Relationships really are what matters. I think with every mission trip there is a feeling of “we could have done more.” And truly, we probably could have. But the eternal value of relationship far surpasses the value of simple tasks. Love can be shown in those things, absolutely, but never should they take priority over. 
• God really has it under control. I am astounded by God’s hand in this whole trip. He made it clear that we should go to CA and CR, He provided the funds to do so, He gave us clear roads and safety while traveling, He kept us free from illness, and so so much more. An idea I have been challenged by since we changed plans was that I was going to Him so readily because I really could not do anything to help our situation. I knew He was going to do something amazing. Yet in my everyday life, where I do have some control, He is not always the first place I turn. 

In conclusion, THANK YOU. Thank you all so much for your prayers, support, and even just for reading this. This trip has been so thought-provoking and moving and thank you all for your part in it. You all know I love to talk if you want to hear more ;)

Courage

“Courage, dear heart”- Voyage of the Dawn Treader, C. S. Lewis

It is so easy to look at someone and their life and see the work God is doing in them. It seems like everything either falls perfectly into place or works out in a crazy amazing way that no one could have guessed. And these people either walk boldly forward and we admire their faith, or they express their anxiety and we appreciate their honesty. They seem to either fully have their life and faith together, or they are honest about how hard this walk is. Either way, they are brave.

And then I look at myself and see my anxiety in nearly every area of my life. Fear of social situations, fear of the future, fear of not being accepted, fear of being alone. Not to mention fears in this physical world. My anxiety list could go on forever. And I think, “there’s no way God could use this conflicted and fearful heart. I am the only Gryffindor who isn’t brave. I am a fearful hobbit with no wizard or ring to push me out the door.”

There is an image in my head of who I dream of being one day: A strong warrior clothed in the armor of God, who backs down for nothing. Someone who is not easily taken advantage of, yet is approachable. Compassionate, yet firm. A friend to many, yet independent. With a really cool dog. And maybe I read too many fantasy books, but don’t we all have an image of who we dream to be? Whether it is to be wealthy, well read, educated, popular, caught up on the times, to have a supernatural ability to tell what is real and fake news. Whatever it is we desire to be, it creates a picture, a character. Why do we love stories of heroes, real or fictional? Why do we love an underdog? They are stories of people we can relate to, doing things we wish we could do. I have these big dreams of being a hero for the faith, and then I remember I have a hard time going to a party, not to mention a dangerous adventure.

To escape the thoughts that shame for not being better, I then dive deeper into these places I wish I could be. There is a book about taking characters out of stories and putting yourself into them, and I loved this idea so much. I begin to desire, to some extent, to be in Narnia, Neverland, Hogwarts, Middle Earth, *insert fictional world here except probably the Hunger Games*. It is perfect there and you know everything will all work out. But when it ends, I am still left alone with my broken self. I dream of fighting these epic battles, yet the first battle is my mind and I can’t seem to win.

Am I the only one I know, waging my wars behind my face and above my throat? Shadows will scream that I’m alone, but I know we’ve made it this far

-Migraine, Twenty One Pilots.

We are all battling our own mind, our thoughts, in one way or another. It is a part of the fallen world. We know and have an image of who we want to be, but something is holding us back. For me, it is anxiety. My fear keeps me from stepping out, being bold and strong. I know that I am weak, weaker than my opponent. I also know that it is out of weakness that God operates. However, knowing and knowing are two different things.

You think twice about your life, it probably happens and night right? Fight it, take the pain, ignite it. Tie a noose around your mind, loose enough to breathe fine and tie it to a tree and tell it, ‘you belong to me. This ain’t a noose, this is a leash and I have news for you, you must obey me.’

-Holding on to You, Twenty One Pilots

Too often I allow myself to retreat and isolate. Too often I lose. But sometimes I fight. I take active control of my thoughts and remind myself of the truths I so often forget, “You are created in the image of God, He delights in you. The love the Lord feels for you is not dependent upon your actions or mental well being. It is His strength that makes you strong, not your own. God is perfecting His work in you. He does not break His promises.”

I so wish that was it. Once and done. But the battle wages on every day, some days better than others. I often wish the words of AJR’s, The Good Part, Was looking forward to, being important, but I’m not important yet. . . Can we skip to the Good Part? I just wish to know what my point is on this earth, to get to my end-goal instead of floating around in this mess of thoughts, for Jesus to return. But I know cliche saying as well as you do. It is the journey that makes you who you are. I desire to be perfected already, but who would I be without that journey?

So I remind myself, and you, of the encouraging line from Seize the Day in Broadway's Newsies, Courage does not erase our fear. Courage is when we face our fear.

Psalm 46:1-3 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.”

Isaiah 43:1-2 “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine. When you pass through waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned and the flame shall not consume you.”

Isaiah 54:10 “‘For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,’ says the Lord, who has compassion on you.”

Thoughts on the Summer

I could write for ages about Haiti and how much I enjoyed it and learned. This will be my last blog post about my trip, but of course if anyone has questions or wants to chat about it, you are welcome to email me at: shelbytaylorrudy@gmail.com. I want to thank everyone once again for your consistent prayer and support leading into this trip and throughout the summer. I could not have done it without all of you, and you are very appreciated.

At the beginning of English Camp, like I wrote about a little before, I was helping out wherever I was needed. Working in the kitchen, running around and handing out coloring pages, and getting daily counts were all entailed in that. Although I knew I wanted to interact more with the kids, I really enjoyed working in the kitchen as well. But the second week of camp, my routine was changed as I was placed to teach younger Science (5-9 year olds). I was incredibly nervous at first. Science was never my strongest class, public speaking has never been something I am comfortable with, I have never taught a class (not to mention forty young children), and the kids do not even speak my language. I was confronted with the fear of failure, although I complied without a complaint. Coming into English camp I had the mindset that whatever job I was placed in I would serve to the best of my ability and if it turned out it was a poor fit, then we would readjust. I was able to get advice from people who had taught the few weeks before and the older Science teacher and I would often collaborate and talk out our lessons. The first few days were kind of shaky, but by the end of the summer I found I really enjoyed it.

Aside from being nervous about teaching, the summer had its other challenges. Throughout the summer I had three different translators, all varying in knowledge of the English language and in enthusiasm. I ended up getting into a rhythm with each of them, but the inconsistency proved to be challenging at the beginning. Each class had around 40 kids in it and that combined with being in a third world country led way to the challenge of doing experiments. I was not always able to do an experiment because either I did not have the supplies or the kids just would not understand. I did them when I could, and we were able to do some fun ones like testing the five senses, creating a raincloud in a jar, making ecosystems, creating the water cycle, and demonstrating digestion with crackers and water.

I enjoyed working with the kids much more than I thought I would. Seeing them explore their curiosity by asking questions and being intrigued by experiments was a really cool part of teaching them. Also just seeing them remember me, want to participate in class, and seeing them laugh and have fun was a great encouragement to me. I loved greeting them with a kiss in the morning and playing with them after camp.

Three weeks later, though, what is still impactful to me? Upon reflection, what do I hope to take with me? I expected to be confronted with poverty and to feel very materialistic, which to an extent I did. But maybe because I was expecting it, it did not hit me as hard as I thought it would. I was challenged to be more thoughtful with where I spend my money and less wasteful with water and food and such, but also coming to the realization that me cutting something out of my life does not necessarily mean that I am helping someone else. Rather, I was encouraged to carefully think about how I can help and how it will actually be helpful in the long term. Before I left for Haiti, I read a small part of When Helping Hurts, which I know has mixed reviews, but there were some really solid points that I took to heart. I think taking tidbits from that book, combined with the knowledge that I will not be changing a country in 9 weeks, helped my heart from being shattered by the things I saw.

Something I did not expect, but was confronted with, was how much these kids needed love. Of course I know that every child needs love and that is a huge part of children’s ministries in the States, but in Haiti it just hit me so much harder than it ever has here. To think that from infancy some kids have not had the love and devotion we often take for granted blew me away. So it was a joy to just love the kids, even if they were clinging onto you or acting out to get attention, to let them know that they were loved and treasured was a huge part of our ministry there.

Along with working with the kids, there was a great team of interns there. We had so much fun and worked really well together. Each one of us brought something unique to the camp and it was cool to see God work in each of us. Would I do it again? Absolutely.

Thank you all for sharing in this journey with me and for your encouragement and prayers along the way! It was such an adventure and I am so glad I had the opportunity to go. For those of you who are wondering, I have moved to the Oregon Coast to work, which starts next week. I am excited for this new adventure and would appreciate your continued prayers as I begin training and learning lots for this new job. Thank you all again, I am excited to see what God does!
PS-Pictures are coming soon, I promise!

A Day in English Camp

     The Tlucek family have been serving in Haiti for 10 years and it has been a wonderful privilege to be a part of their ministry. During the school year they run a preschool and an after school program, and during the summer they host English Camp. This has been a part of their ministry for at least 7 years and from what I have heard it has grown a lot. After the many years of directing and hosting English Camp, the Tluceks have made it a well oiled machine. A lot of work happens in many different places and we all work hard so that everything can run smoothly. Along with the people working together, all the supplies have to come together. Things are not as easy to get or as cheap as in the States, so a lot of prayer goes into everything getting here. Sometimes it is just a matter of having bread for sandwiches, or bananas for breakfast. Other times it is praying someone from the States will come and bring supplies for all the backpacks we give to the kids, or even the backpacks themselves. We completed English Camp by being flexible on what we could be, and God answering our prayers.
      A day of English Camp starts for the employees at 7 am. We gather around the pool to hear a Haitian hymn that the employees sing, have devotions, pray, and discuss what needs to be done. There are probably around 50 of us gathered each morning. Then I would always head to the kitchen to help peel boiled eggs or cut bananas, while others would set up tables and sweep. Usually around 10 of us were in the kitchen so we could get all 300-400 peeled and cut within 30 ish minutes. Then at 8 they would open the gate for the kids to come in. From 8-8:55 they hand out (ideally) a banana, an egg, and a bag of water to each child. This time I was either outside greeting kids or handing out food, or preparing things I needed for my lesson that day. After the kids get their food, they sit down with their group around the pool, which is marked by tape on the ground. Their group leader will then put their name tag on their back (so they do not pick at it) and they will eat their breakfast.
     After breakfast is done and all the trash is picked up, assembly starts at 9. It begins with calisthenics, which are just stretches and movements to get blood flowing, singing, both in English and Creole, and a Bible story, which the staff helps act out. At 9:45 they head to their first class which is a rotation of English, Bible, PE, and Science. Each class is 40 minutes. They have two classes in the morning, a break for lunch and activity time, and two classes in the afternoon, ending with a final assembly and dismissal at 2 pm. All the kids go into the carport and wait either for their parents or a younger sibling so they can go home. During this time the employees get to hang out with the kids. At around 2:30 the employees have a meeting to go over how we did that day and what we could do better. We pray and that wraps up a day of camp.
     On Fridays we have what is called Friday Funday. It is a normal rotation of classes but instead of class there are different games at each station. So for the Science classes which are outside there are running games like soccer or tag. In the Bible classes they have Bible trivia reviewing the week. At the PE classes it was either water games or dancing. And in the English classrooms which are more contained, there were games like heads up 7-up, tick tock, and poison dart frog. At each station there is a teacher leading it.
     Throughout the week, the kids are competing for a pool party on Friday. The way they win is by getting points which are rewarded by group leaders, teachers, and Andrew Tlucek. They got points for good behavior, participation, and obeying. After the camp day on Friday, the winning team will have their pool party complete with hot dogs and koolaid.
     The kids are split into two main groups: older and younger. From there they are split by specific age and gender. The groups are:
Orange- 5-7 boys               Yellow- 5-7 girls
Green- 8-9 boys                 Pink- 8-9 girls
Blue- 10-12 boys               Purple- 10-12 girls
Guitar- 13-14 boys          Rainbow- 13-14 girls

      Each group has a group leader and a handful of junior counselors to help. Yellow group only had one junior counselor this year, whereas green had four. So it varies based on who the group leader is and the age group of the kids. Along with this, there are translators for all the American teachers. We all work together to help teach the kids and help them behave.
      Every day is full and feels long, but at the end of the week it feels like it flew by. I cannot believe how quickly 6 weeks went by, and yet it feels like I have been here a long time . Thank you everyone for your continued prayer and support. I look forward to seeing many of you soon!